Day 16: Arrgh!

Very frustrating day today.  I woke up with a sore throat, but I had to go to callbacks for ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN ARE DEAD.  

At callbacks, I did my best as Gertrude, and I thought it was quite good.  I really made a strong choice and followed it through, but I was offered the role of one of the players instead.  For those that don't know the play, the players are fun, broad characters, but speak no lines (except for the player-king, which I was not up for).  One of the goals I give myself after twenty-five years of theatre is to find roles that I think can challenge me.  I really wanted the opportunity to speak Shakespearean dialogue.  I know iambic pentameter, and I already reviewed the lines.  I know "changed" in the instance of the particular speech of Gertrude is a two syllable word.  I figured out what I wanted, followed through, and, yet, still did not get the part.  I know I can play a player and would probably have some fun doing it, but I just don't see it as a challenge.  That said, if it was an equity show and I got points, or if I was in a company and I did the smaller parts on some shows and bigger parts in others, I would have jumped at the part.  But this is not, and I didn't.  Instead, I felt like I failed.  The director seemed a little disappointed and said she thought I'd be "cute" as a player.  That made me wonder...did I not get Gertrude because the director considered me "cute"?  I could understand that...Gertrude is not a character I would consider "cute".  But, then, I don't think Agnes is "cute" in BUG, but I played that part.  Is it just the short-sightedness of others that ends up limiting me?  Or did I accidentally throw "cute" in somewhere and just not realize it?  Acting is such a frustrating, yet ultimately, rewarding, process.  I just wish it didn't depend on others so much...it's tough to act in a vacuum.

Anyway, my sore throat has now developed into a full-fledged cold.  I'm sleepy and weak and shaky in addition to the congestion and sore throat.  Sigh.  So between being sick and the unfortunate callback today, I'm depressed.  And, let me tell you, it really sucks for an optimist to be depressed.  It's like the whole world goes upside-down and topsy-turvy.  And all I want to do right now is sleep.  But I can't, 'cause my mind keeps racing about what I did wrong, what could I have done different, or is it that anything I did would not have led to the result I desired?  It all leaves me quite unsatisfied.

SUMMATION:
Acting - Frustrating results in callbacks
Bicycling - Didn't get to go for a ride today 'cause I had callbacks
Cats - Not cuddling with me, which sucks when I'm sick!